Monday, October 10, 2005

The Furnace Guy

In anticipation of his arrival, I cleared a path from my front door to the basement utility room. I would've done more, but as my friend TA says, you can't undo years of neglect in an hour.

So when I heard his tentative knock on my screen door, I was ready. Or so I thought. First of all, this was a GENTLE furnace guy. Did he announce his arrival with the ever-so-obvious doorbell chimes? No. Did he pound the door down? No. He barely carressed the frame of my delicate 43-year-old screen door...

My heart stopped as I beheld the sight in front of me. He was a typical Adonis, except he was my age, give or take a decade. I looked up into his smiling, kind eyes and forgot what he was here for.

"I'm here to service your furnace."

I couldn't speak. Seeming to understand, he ever so graciously opened the door, entered, and glanced around.

"Um...Do you want to show me your furnace?"

FURNACE???? Who cares about a fucking furnace?????? Fuck the furnace!!!!!

But I played along, flushed and breathless. (Let him deal with the furnace first.)

While he fussed around with the furnace, I was cautious to tiptoe lightly on the floor above him. Thank God I was wearing my best rags. The jogging bra, though, tends to flatten the chest, so I quickly replaced that with a padded Maidenform. He'd never know... I even managed to unearth some perfume that TA's mother had given me a few Christmases ago. Then I fired up the curling iron for the first time since college.

My heart raced when I finally heard his sexy boots ascending the basement stairs. The sweat on my forehead dampened the freshly made curls. Aiming for subtlety, I desperately tried to slow down my breathing. He stood very close to me while he wrote the bill, explaining in detail everything he'd done to the furnace. I heard nothing. I just stared at his face, entranced.

I didn't snap out of it until the echo of his words rang in the distance: "Thank you... see you in the spring..."


garnet david said...

Send him over to me, hon. I need to have my vents cleaned.

Anonymous said...

omg... sexy boots sounds HAWT! jesus girl i felt like i was reading a romance novel for a second there. i thought for sure he was going take you into his arms and bury his face deep within your heaving busoms! DANG!

ME Strauss said...

You other two, you behave. You just like this furnace guy, because Whirling Betty did just a grand job of writing the story about him. It was her words that got you to fall in love. So you should be worshiping at her feet.

Well done WB! thank you too for the virtual hug I appreciate it.

Morris said...

You should have just fucked him. We all know its long over due for you.

Mr. Morris
Ask Morris

garnet said...

Oh, my goodness Betty, I think you have a suiter, except he doesn't know his manners.

Mr. Morris, your comment would be funny if you knew Betty well, but I don't believe you do. Her language may be colorful, but it needn't invite such course presumptions from a stranger.

Betty said...

I'm thrilled by the unexpected arrival of my white knight. Move over, Furnace Guy. Thank you, Garnet.