WB: I'm here to gain clarity on this house issue.
HS: It seems that you want what is out of your reach financially.
WB: Yes, it appears that I'm behaving like a spoiled brat, at least in this sense. I do not spoil myself with expensive clothing, or jewels; I do not buy fancy furniture; my car is the laughing stock of my workplace. But I want a certain house which, yes, is out of reach financially, probably.
HS: Why do you want it, if it's out of reach?
WB: Because it is not definitely, or absolutely, out of reach. It depends on which online calculator you use. But none of those calculators include babysitting expenses, for some odd reason. So it's possible that my ability to afford this house is even worse than the calculators show.
HS: Do you have a sense of the truth about whether you can afford this house?
WB: I don't.
HS: Have you possibly cluttered your mind with lists, facts, figures and calculations ad infinitum?
WB: Certainly.
HS: Your clarity is thus obscured.
WB: How can I get past the data and find the truth?
HS: Well, one of the factors in that truth is your mindset. You are currently very uptight about money. You cannot afford the house regardless of your income. Your mind is worked up into a frenzy over the expenses of the house in question.
WB: So if I just relax about the finances, I'll be able to afford the house?
HS: All the money in the world won't save you until you do. However, the actual numbers do have to be considered. Technically, the mortgage is affordable, but you will be paying out more each month than you are now. Some people in your society believe that money equals freedom. If you agree, then you will be imprisoning yourself to some degree by taking on the increased expenses. Are you willing to do so?
WB: Here's where I need a fortune teller. I don't know. I don't know what other things my child and I might wish to spend money on in the future. I do know he needs braces someday...... I don't have so much money that I can say it doesn't matter. And I have no parents or anybody else to lend money for an emergency.
HS: That sounds like clarity.
WB: I'm afraid to pass up this opportunity. It may be the last house in that location which I can afford.
HS: You just said you can't afford it. The truth may be that there is no house in that location which you can afford. Just remember though- it is still possible for you to buy that house. The bank will grant you the mortgage, not caring whether the decision turns your life topsy-turvy or not. You may choose to swim upstream if you prefer.
More importantly, I think it would behoove you to ask yourself what you truly seek. Is the house in question going to satisfy you?
WB: Uhh....no, it didn't the last time I lived in a similar house in that very location. I ended up searching the internet for houses in wooded settings the last time, and finally, after living in the urban house only 14 months, I moved to my current house on the park. I seem unable to satisfy myself with all this moving. During the time my child was age 2-4, I moved 4 times.
HS: So it's possible, then, that what you seek is not a house or a physical location.
WB: When I move I think I'm getting a better situation, more in line with my beliefs and desires and more conducive to our growth and thriving. But then all I want to do is move again.
HS: So it's not working.
WB: Correct.
HS: Is it possible, then, for you to live more in line with your beliefs and desires, in a way that is more conducive to growing and thriving, without moving?
WB: Well.....I can find out......
HS: What you want to move to is a new, enlightened, evolved self. You may simultaneously move to a new house, but moving to the house alone will not satisfy this urging of yours. Dealing with just the symbol, the house, will not bring your desired result.
WB: OK, if I do all that, changing my "self" into a new and enlightened one, THEN can I buy the house?
HS: Sigh..............
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8 comments:
Ahhh Betty...priceless. Glad I could "afford" to come by.
Well, you have it all figured out chica...whatever you do is the right choice. Which choice is the best choice though? Only you can answer that.
Good luck and hugs to you, the child and the higher self. Keep me posted.
Ciao for now...
Dear Teri,
Thank you for once again reminding me that whatever I do is the right choice. Even if we move and it's a disaster, it would still be an exciting adventure, wouldn't it? And we'd get to live in that really cool part of town while the disaster occurs.
Even though I repeatedly decide not to go for it, the house seems to beckon me. Friends say, though, that I have the ability to rationalize anything (and they go on to say I should've been a lawyer). Few people would look at my situation and say it's a good idea to move, but I'm a defiant whirler who can spin anything.
Hugs and thanks,
Betty
Dear Betty,
You've made me think some more. Seems to me these are the metaphors due to which I'm still renting.
Buying a house solo = accepting the state of "single head of household" forever
Buying a house with a man = marriage (or some form of it). Thus, accepting the possibility of being stuck in a bad marriage down the lane - maybe divorce, and losing a home in the literal and figurative sense. Been through that pain before.
Hooboy! No wonder I balk at both. I worry subconsciously that maybe I don't have it (the luck, the ability) in me to keep a "home" with a man. But I don't want to write myself off in that department either.....I'm afraid of being stuck with my choice, if and when I make it. So the unconscious decision to remain the cat on the wall - dreaming of possibilities, but not acting on them. Renting, not buying.
Ha! Thank you for making me think.
Priya.
Dear Priya,
I understand your reluctance to buy as a single head of household or to be stuck with a house, single or married. Because of that, I refuse to look at houses in areas where sales are slow. I want to rest assured that my house is likely to sell quickly, although there are never any guarantees, I know. I can't stand the thought of being stuck, with a house or a man. In the current economic climate, a house can be one of the most reliable investments, inspite of all the hype about the real estate bubble bursting. (I'm glad I don't live in San Diego, though, or one of the other sinking markets.) (It's a great time to buy, though, if you are in one of those markets! In fact, it's a buyer's market everywhere, perfect for one like you who doesn't have to unload a house!)
"HS: So it's possible, then, that what you seek is not a house or a physical location."
BINGO!
You win this weeks luck jackpot!!!!!
Congratulations, O' Whirling Woman of Wisdom.
...and yes, I think you CAN have the house after you do all that.
Thanks for the cheerleading, Kelley, and believe me, I've already been working on the transformation. I'm trying to live like a balanced, aware, capable adult, instead of a whirling dervish who can only function at work and whose home life is chaos. Today I worked hard on getting my house in order, I asked a friend to come over and help, I zeroed in on my child many times, I ate responsibly (and cleaned up afterwards!), I didn't blow up at anybody (even when they spilled a drink on the rug) and I crossed several items off my to-do list. That's as balanced and adult as whirlingbetty can get, and I'm pleased.
Just reading that wore me out.
Whew.
Im mulching the yard today, but ignoring the kids, the laundry and the kitchen.
Im good, but only good at one thing per day. LOL
Hey, Kelley, I like that! Being good at only one thing a day kind of takes the pressure off. I'm going to try that out for a while. And I suddenly have a new take on my house decision after just losing another co-worker to cancer. I hope to post soon.
later~
WB
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