Monday, July 03, 2006

Independence Day

I have always considered myself independent. To me, independence means "financially self-supporting." I've been that for a long time. And I've lived alone until my child came along to share my house. And since I own that house, I must be REALLY independent, right?

Well, I'm learning that there are levels of independence. If I ever alter my words, chameleon style, to suit the person I'm speaking with, then am I independent?

If I allow another person to manipulate me, am I independent? If I take steps to help another person out of a mess that he's gotten himself into, even though I see that he deserves the consequence I'm saving him from, and even though he has bullied me consistently, am I independent? Or might I be participating in the dance of co-dependence?

I wish to be true to myself, but instead I react to the personalities I'm dealing with. I act not out of independence, but out of dependence upon the behaviors, personalities and desires of those around me.

Do I possess the strength to pull myself out of this spiraling whirlpool in which my self melds with other people's dramas? Can I do my job as a mother, regardless of tears and tantrums? Can I stand up to the father/bully, hiring a lawyer to assist? Can I set boundaries with the neighbor, not falling for his persistent needling?

I'll keep ya posted. Happy Independence Day.


ME Strauss said...

If I have six emotions, some more than others, do I have to go with the one that I feel the most? Does being independent me that I don't need anyone? Am I more independent when I let myself attach to people without fear and lean on them? Who knows?

Words can make life so confusing. Can't they?

Being seems easier. I waited for growing up -- being able to pick. I can have ice cream for breakfast. I can choose what I want to be important. I stand under the stars and take my wisdom from them.

Betty said...

Dear Liz,

Yes, words can drive us crazy, for sure, especially those of us who tend to see nothing but black or white! I'd like to approach that concept of "being". I don't think I'm quite there yet- too much self left to accept first. It's a worthy goal.

Sideways Chica said...

Of course you are independent...because you question and you think and you strive to find the answers. That is the true definition of independence in my play book.

Ciao bella...hugs to you and the child! Enjoy.

Betty said...

Thank you, Teri. You make my struggle sound positive! I do tire of it sometimes...

hugs and fireworks,

garnet david said...

You are one of the most independent women I know. Your self doubt is normal. Any human will question whether their actions are pure. But your heart will tell you the answer.

You first need to trust yourself, with your faults, then share your compassion for others. Don't forget, we need you to be safe and happy before you can share your happy indepence with us.


Betty said...

Thank you, TA. The notion that we all suffer from self-doubt is comforting. I'm going to wonder about that one for a while.


Sideways Chica said...

Independence can be so tiring, but just think of the alternative and you may gain a little energy chica. ;)

Ciao bella...

Betty said...

Dear Teri,

Sometimes the easier way is terribly tempting, and I can even say that I'm just "keeping the peace." That way it sounds almost admirable. It really is time for me to face this, unpleasant though it is.


Shankari said...

Hi Betty!

Happy Independence day to you- there are so many levels of independence we seek and need. Heres to independence!

Sideways Chica said...

Dear Betty...just checking to see how you are doing. Hopefully hanging tough!

Also..;not sure if you know that Kelly (Kelly's Hope) decided to stop blogging due to her schedule and deleted her blog Friday night. I'm sure she will pop in and see us once in awhile, but I just wanted you to know.

Ciao bella...hugs to you and the child.


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