Friday, December 30, 2005

whirling down

The time of reckoning is nearly here. I'm not sure if everyone does this, but at the end of each year I feel obligated to take inventory (ie. self-flagellate). Otherwise, how would I come up with my New Year's resolutions? What pressure!!!! No wonder I actually felt relief after declining my New Year's Eve party invitation just now- the likes of me doesn't deserve any down time!!!

I think back to years past when everything LOOKED OK, even impressive. I had a decent job, I owned a nice house in a happening neighborhood, I owned a reliable car, dressed fairly well and looked reasonably presentable. The only thing which could have been construed as slightly unusual was that I never seemed to have a stable relationship with a MAN. There'd be the occasional boyfriend; that's it. I used to say that I chose to be single. Was it really a conscious choice?

These days, the appearance is not so good. The house in the hip hood was sold and replaced with one more family-oriented, even though we are not a family; we are a diad, my child and I. The house personifies chaos- even the landscaping is quite wild. That same car now looks old, really old. I look disheveled.

The difference is that now the world can witness my struggle. I wear it. I drive it. I show it. What you see is what you get. And if you don't see it, the child will undoubtedly tell you about it, much to my embassassment.

No more secrets.

Happy new year.


Toniyah Tonijah said...

I wish you many more happy returns in 2006.

God bless.

Betty said...

Thank you, Toniyah Tonijah. Likewise to you.

Sideways Chica said...

You and the child are most definitely a family. The best kind of family...filled with hope, honesty, integrity and character. You have your priorities in order. I am older and it took me much longer. Thus I ditched the prosperous career to write. I know how you feel, but don't despair in your appearance or your older model car. Beauty shines from within. My hair and nails are in need of professional help these days...but I feel that if people cannot see beyond the ragged edges, then I don't want them to see me, or to be seen with them.

I wish you all the love and laughter I can whirl up and send it your way. I have asked Garnet David to give you and the child a great big hug for the joy your whirling brings me.

Peace be with you my friend.


Shankari said...

And a happy New Year to the diad! I tripped over the word, wondering for a mo. if it was a typo. Good one Betty! Way to go!

Himself said...

May you have all the happiness
and luck that life can hold-
And at the end of all your rainbows
may you find a pot of gold.
May your pockets be heavy-
Your heart be light,
And may good luck pursue you
Each morning and night

Betty said...

Teri, thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I will use them to try to jump start this new year.

Best wishes,

Betty said...

Shankari, I thought about the word "diad", wondering if it would throw people off. I'm glad you liked it.

Betty said...

Himself: I can definitely use a good Irish blessing right about now. Thank you.

garnet david said...

B- teri nailed it. "Beauty shines from within." And I hope you are suddenly and soon aware of yours.

Tired Tunia said...

Well said! I'm tired of trying to appear as if I have it all together, when I definitely do not! My car is old, missing a tail light, and messy. I know my clothes aren't great, but can't afford to buy new ones. And our house and neighborhood? It's one of those towns where no matter how long your grass gets, somebody else's yard always looks worse!

Anonymous said...