Oh, we've all experienced it, usually from a lover, potential or actual, and sometimes from a desired employer. But since I have become a mother, I have experienced a whole new type of REJECTION.
Is it about the single parent stigma? Or am I simply a lousy mother who deserves to be shunned lest I adversely influence other people's children?
This issue has come to the forefront as I now attempt to plan my child's birthday party, scheduled for Sunday. Why do people blatantly refuse to RSVP? This is the type of party which requires a precise head count. It's at the hockey arena where the local hockey team holds games. I have to pay a set amount for each party-goer, and the number of party-goers (10 in my case) had to be determined in advance. So, in theory, if someone can't come, I could/should find a replacement.
What's really bothering me?, you might ask. Well, it's one particular mother who has been blowing me/us off bigtime. Her son, H, and mine became BEST friends in preschool. The two are a lot alike, and their friendship was enviable.
After preschool I did everything I could to maintain the friendship. I paid H's family top dollar to babysit during some of my work hours. H had younger brothers, and my kid isn't used to siblings. I tried to explain to H's mother that I had no way of teaching my kid to get along with little siblings because we don't have any. I politely gave her permission to do/say whatever she had to. Instead, she showed us the gate.
She's a stay-at-home mother who is homeschooling her kids. After she told us no more babysitting, I still drove to their house whenever I had time to pick up H for playdates.
Before long she put the kibosh on that. She kept putting us off, until finally on the date she had said H could come over, she emailed me saying her homeschooling schedule was just too filled- H couldn't come over to our house after all. That was last summer. I left her alone after that.
But my child doesn't know about all this. He only knows that H is a dear friend whom he hasn't seen in a long time. He wants H invited to his party.
I email H's mother, sheepishly, because i have been banished from their Family. i ask for permission to mail her Son an invitation, saying i will respectfully follow Her wishes if She wants to sever ties.
That was a week ago. She never responded, a dramatic passive-aggressive stab to the jugular.
Yes, i am making the mistake of giving Her power. Part of my problem is that in the past, when i thought She was my friend, i confided in her how hurt i was when other Families had rejected us. (Yes, it's happened before. It's a pattern.)
Why do People do this? What is it about me and my son which They deem inferior, unworthy? Is it the lack of a Man?
It's easy to say that the solution is for me to develop thicker skin and healthy self-esteem which prevails even during adversity. But that doesn't address the problem of a tragically lost friendship. Again. The rejection is not simply of the whirlingbetty and son diad- it is of beautiful, innocent childhood alliances.