Friday, November 07, 2008

what's missing

Every one of us experiences that nagging feeling of something being missing in our lives. Sometimes we "know" what it is: a spouse, a house, a certain job, a baby, a week with Super Nanny, more money.......

Actually, it's possible that what's missing is an awareness of the present moment and an appreciation for what is.

But sometimes there are nagging, persistent feelings of discontent. During my younger years I suspected that certain things had occurred during my upbringing which had left me ill-equipped to deal with life in a mature way. Something was wrong with me, I thought, but it was not obvious. It was easily concealed, especially before The Child came into my life- I appeared to have my act together in a big way, with an unusual sense of independence, an admirable career, and even a mortgage from an early age. Who knew that my father had never performed his proper role toward his daughter or that my mother had "abandoned" me by working the night shift?

I have tried therapy and self-help books. What I have learned is this: my childhood, parents, upbringing, traumas both real and imagined actually don't amount to a hill of beans. Certainly things happened which led to my insecurity and floundering sense of self. However, the present is all that matters, and the cure is available in the present. Psychoanalysis and childhood excavation are unnecessary! All we need is the belief in our worthiness. That belief does not require examination of the past. It requires acknowledgement of the present truth.

We each know, deep down, that it's true that we're worthy- it's just that we don't choose to focus on that ultra important fact. Irrationally, we think we'll get a better payoff from throwing thousands of dollars and hours into counselling, anti-depressants, life coaching, seminars or, worse yet, some form of escape.

Why not just accept the truth? Each of us is worthy. Period. Now, believe that, on a deep level, and act accordingly. Treat yourself as worthy with your life choices. Eat as if you're worthy, excercise as if you're worthy, work as if you're worthy, speak as if you're worthy. Magically, you'll find yourself threating others as if they are worthy.

Am I doing this? Hah! The plan is that I'll be starting today (stop snickering), after realizing during my past couple of conversations with friends that I am once again whirling out of control, confused about the direction my life seems to be taking. Rather than attempting to seize control of my life, I have decided to float through my life like a cork on the ocean, fully aware of the present truth (I am worthy) and continually performing the action in front of me.

Right now, for example, living by my new creed, I'll first check to be sure that my bottom line is established: I am worthy, all is well, and while accepting the circumstances of my life as I float like a cork on the ocean, I look to see what's in front of me for my next action. I will publish this post, then spend an hour preparing something for work, then take the Chihuahua out for a walk, then get the house ready for The Child's party tomorrow. I have postponed jogging due to rain, but it appears that things won't dry up anytime soon, so I'll dig out my rain gear and jog in the rain, after drinking the soy milk I have chosen instead of raiding The Child's Trick or Treat candy. It all sounds rather dreary, I know, and may not be sustainable, but I will reward myself tonight by watching my favorite TV show, Wife Swap. I wonder if any wife would want to swap with whirlingbetty?


Laurie said...

Yes....You know I know that
nagging feeling.....
You ARE very worthy of the good
things life has to offer :)

I wish you the best!!!


Betty said...

Dear Laurie,

Yes.....I know that you know. And YOU TOO are worthy!!!!!


WaterLearner said...

I know what you mean. But like what you aptly described, maybe what we truly need is the awareness to appreciate the present that we are facing at this very moment.

Sometimes I also feel that some short-circuit must have taken place a long my growing up process. But as I grow older, I accept that feeling as part and parcel of being mortal. We have our strengths and at the same time, we have to accept our imperfections for us to be truly complete.

Have a Jolly Weekend!

Betty said...

Dear Waterlearner,

As you say, awareness, appreciation and acceptance can solve a lot of our perceived problems. My problems diminish or ecven disappear when I'm on track with this.


Lynilu said...

That nagging feeling. Yes, I know it well. I experience it regularly. I've had some clarity recently that has helped me in some ways, and it has made it worse in others. I have become more keenly aware of my aloneness, and it is bittersweet. But I also know that times like this make me stronger in the long run. That is why life is beautiful. :)

Betty said...

Dear Lynilu,

Even though you experience it regularly, it certainly doesn't seem to be affecting you adversely. That nagging appears to be fairly universal, and maybe it's one of our biggest challenges- learning how to live with it. A mentor of mine used to call it "learning to live comfortably with unresolved problems."


Monogram Queen said...

You chose soy milk over trick or treat candy?! I am in awe of you Betty.
I get the nagging "somethings missing" feeling too. I think mainly because i'm not satisfied with where I live.

Betty said...

Dear Patti,

I do think that where you live can have a lot to do with it. I'd love to have a chance soon to test that theory!


Loving Annie said...

I definitely have known the nagging feeling of something being missing for years...

Self-esteem is everything, you are right, Betty.

But for me, I had to examine my past habits and beliefs in order to understand what I was doing that kept me behaving with self-hate...

You are worthy. I know it, and I celebrate with you the moments when you feel it inside - and your soul continues accumulating them :)


Anonymous said...