Friday, October 26, 2007

cancellation

Many years ago, my father used to tell me that: A) I had no personality; B) I would never have any friends and C) that nobody would ever like me. Over the years I did not consciously think of his words, but they insidiously infected my way of being in the world. I "knew" I was inferior. I only entered into relationships doomed to fail. And generally, in most aspects of my life I was afraid to speak up or to set boundaries.

Something unusual happened today. I gave a work-related presentation to a group of well-to-do people. It was very well received and as I left the building, an older gentleman offered to help carry my props to my car. As we approached my car he said, "You know, you have a wonderful personality. I don't know if you have any idea how entertaining and engaging you are. I am surprised - often, people in your field are quite introverted."

Well, as soon as he spoke those words, my father's erroneous message from so many years ago was erased. It's not that I now think I'm superior- it's just that the damage is fixed.

10 comments:

Shankari said...

Hi Betty!

Its been a long time since I came by here. Been busy with this course I am enrolled in which is VERY intensive. As part of the course, I am here at Syracuse, NY doing a term at the Maxwell school. I know this isnt your neck of the woods- but just felt that much closer to you being in your country!

And yes, Belated wishes. Can't we all relate to some of those issues as well?

Whirl on!

Betty said...

Dear Shankari,

It's so great to "see" you!!!!! I've missed you, and am glad to hear that you're in Syracuse. I grew up near Binghamton, which isn't terribly far from Syracuse- a one-hour drive, I think. I wish I still lived in that area!

Good luck with your course!

Many hugs,
Betty

Dust-bunny said...

Betty,

How awful that your dad used to speak to you like that. I'm sure you know by now that it was HIS problem and not yours!

How wonderful that a stranger could turn the lightbulb on for you! Now just keep concentrating on his praise...don't let the negative thoughts sneak back in.

Hope all is going well with you!

Lisa

Betty said...

Dear Lisa Dust Bunny,

You're right. I have to be careful to not let the old tape start playing again! I can choose the new tape, but I have to be vigilant about this...

Hugs,
Betty

Kacey said...

Your Dad sure had a funny way of showing love! He was very mistaken, since your cute personality shows through your writings. Let go of the bad vibes and keep shining through, Betty.

Betty said...

Dear Kacey,

Thank you so much for reinforcing the compliment on my personality! Wow- I should be able to ride this wave for a while!!

Hugs,
Betty

GarnetDavid said...

How wonderful to hear of such a positive experience toward realizing your value. You are beautiful and smart and funny.

Loving Annie said...

Ah Betty, we had the same father.

(And cancellation is a wonderful thing.)

Rememeber just becuase that cruel man said it, doesn't mean it was fact or true --

huge hugs,
Loving Annie

Betty said...

Dear Annie,

I am so sorry that we shared the same father. You seem to have come out of it with flying colors. And I'm working on it.

Hugs,
Betty

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