Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Recipe for Repugnance

I dubbed yesterday "Be Kind to Betty Day". It was one of those rare days when I was off work and my kid was in school. What uncommon freedom! My first inclination was to chuck the running shoes, hit the couch and turn myself over to a regime of bonbons and soap operas.

But instead, Betty's Brain took over and decided that haute health was a better idea. By now I should know better than to listen to that voice...

After depositing the child into his schoolbus I headed for Whole Foods Market. So did most of the population of this city, it turns out. I didn't realize that most people grocery shop for Thanksgiving on the Monday before the holiday. Well, at least I didn't have to stand in the free-range turkey line.

Being a devotee of Dr. Pete D'Adamo's blood type research, I was on a mission to satisfy every single type-A blood cell in my body. I bought up the organic version of just about every food type known to be beneficial for type A blood, and by god, I was going to put it all in a pot and cook it.

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on 10 bags of food, hauled it home, and pulled out the most major extravagance item in my house- my Le Cruset pot. I bought it because it's orange and I thought it might inspire hitherto unknown culinary activity. I've had it three years and this is the second time I've used it.

I filled this pot with my ingredients: amaranth, lentils both red and green, kelp, ginger, carrots, onions both green and yellow, garlic, parsnips, kale, collard greens, apricots, prunes, pumpkin, yellow squash, pumpkin seeds, 7 almonds, tofu, peanut butter, mozzarella cheese, and at the end, miso.

The motley mix emitted a mighty odor impossible to describe. I let it fester for a few minutes, fearful that it might explode.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was time for my favorite soap opera, so I turned off the stove, dished out the glittering stew, and, plugging my nose, carried it to the television. It took some time for me to summon the courage, but eventually I did venture a bite.

Mind you, I am the type who will eat anything (despite the dire warnings of Dr. D'Adamo) but this concoction stopped me in my tracks. It may have been the parsnip, I don't know, but honestly, I couldn't eat it. And here's the real coup de grace: the Chihuahua wouldn't eat it. This is the same dog who fishes used tampons out of the trash and devours them.

Be Kind to Betty Day ended with a feast of Oreos.


Divine Calm said...

I'm in love with Whole Foods Market.

Betty said...

Divine Calm-
Yes, Whole Foods Market takes grocery shopping to a Whole New Level.

garnet david said...

I'm in love with Betty Devine who cooks a brainy, ideal but inedible stew in a hot orange French pot and still bakes a light cake with the result.

Let every day be kind to Betty day.

Sideways Chica said...

I will never look at my Le Creuset pot the same way again, which is no great loss as it gathers dust on top of the fridge next to the bright orange fondue pot I bought to go with it...because I liked the way they looked. I also must admit that somewhat like intelligent books on a shelf may make you look well-read, I thought these pots might make me look more savvy in the kitchen. I also have the best collection of cookbooks you have ever seen...none read, of course.

Have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy your new "designer accessory" for the kitchen.


Callen Damornen said...

Interesting blog. Come visit mine anytime.

The Right Left

ME Strauss said...

I'm so happy that you didn't make yourself eat it. Oreos sound so much better and so much more fun--especially on a day named "Be Kind to Betty Day."


Christopher Trottier said...

And the Oreos rejoiced.

GuusjeM said...

Why is that it costs twice and much to fill a bag at Whole Foods as it does at Kroger? But the people watching is almost worth the price difference.

Anonymous said...