Monday, September 27, 2010
a trying time
I just flew back home after her funeral (if indeed this is home, but that's another post). It is proving difficult for me to return to "normal."
Many people showed up for the wake and funeral. My sister's 2 daughters who live there in Boston are very well supported. And why wouldn't they be? They're young, attractive, smart and successful. One is married to a great guy and the other is in a committed relationship, and beyond that, they have a wide circle of friends, some of whom traveled hundreds of miles to attend the funeral.
Although I didn't really dwell on it much, I was shocked whenever anyone came up to me to say they were sorry for my loss. I am so accustomed to handling everything alone, and besides, I felt that my sister's daughters trumped her sister. I considered myself insignificant, as usual. So when I was acknowledged, I was...well....baffled, thinking that the person speaking to me must be daft.
My sister's third daughter lives in Vertaizon, France with her fantastic French husband and 3 young bilingual children, and they all attended the funeral. Even that daughter had friends attending from other states, even though she's been living all over the globe during her adult life.
My sister is much older than I, and I grew up with her daughters. The way things worked out, I was almost like another daughter of hers, especially once our mother died.
The funeral was unusual, led by nobody in particular since she had not been religious. I spoke about her values, as expressed in her many emails to me, and the significance of hummingbirds for my sister and I over the past summer. I talked about the 2 female hummingbirds which we had referred to as "the sisters" and I described the one last acrobatic air show they performed for me the day my sister died. The people at the funeral seemed very touched by the hummingbirds story.
It was sad on many levels. The experience made me realize how isolated I've been. Boston is fairly close to where we all grew up in New York, so many people drove up from there. I wish I didn't have to live so far away where my job is located. Once The Child came into my life, the friends I thought I had kind of slipped away, since I was no longer foot loose and fancy free. The Child has friends at school, so thank heavens he's not as isolated as I am.
When it came time for me to leave, the niece's husband from France and the niece's husband from Boston fought over who'd drive me to the airport! My sister must have somehow made that happen, because she always knew I felt alone.
Posted by B.S. at Monday, September 27, 2010