Friday, August 07, 2009

can't let go of blogging

I have toyed with the idea of quitting blogging. I've been at it since 2005, and lately it has seemed as though my blogging phase has run its course. For some reason, though, I am not ready to let it go.

It has been disappointing to me that some of my former readers have dropped away. Blogging has at times reminded me of high school, when I fretted over not being popular. My blog has never been popular; however, I have enjoyed a small loyal following.

One of my favorite bloggers has quit. Certainly I have been influenced by her decision- for one thing, it's depressing to have her not be a part of my "small loyal following."

Another favorite blogger of mine quit a couple of years ago. I never fully recovered from losing her virtual friendship. It's amazing how attached I have become to my blogging community. Like neighbors, you can't bank on them being there forever.

Which reminds me- my next door neighbor died last week. He was more of a father to me than my bio dad. He cared about me, he worried about me, he cut my bushes, he loaned me tools, he fixed my bike, he gave me tomatoes, he tried to be a father figure to The Child, he went to court after The Child's father pushed him in my driveway (making it easier for me to prevail in the custody battle), he took care of the fallen tree in my front yard, he rushed my dying dog to the animal hospital.

How do you sat goodbye? I remember the day 2 weeks ago when he stood in his driveway, holding onto his garbage container because the bone cancer had made him so weak, while we talked. I remember saying goodbye to him that day, not knowing it would be the last time.

Every time my doorbell rings, I think it's him. He was always checking on me.


Big Dave T said...

When you get to a certain age, and I'm there if you're not, it seems like life is a land mine for our contemporaries. One by one, they fall victim to cancer, heart disease, etc. And sometimes it's very quick. One day you're talking to them, next day they're gone.

Big Dave T said...

Hea, it published? Last time I tried here, it said I had to be a 'team member' or something like that. Sometimes these social networking programs don't like me I get the feeling.

Betty said...

Dear Big Dave,

I had a problem with comments. Some Japanese spam took over and left hundreds of comments on my blog, filling my entire email box. I had to disable comments. Problem is, I forgot that I had done this!

I was just noticing the other day that the longer I live, the more people I know who die. That's logical, but it struck me as a revelation. As of age 30, I had experienced only 2 deaths. Now I've lost count. It's one of those things I'll never get used to.


Anonymous said...

Man Betty...I'm so sorry :(
I'm sure his spirt will be there
with you as you go through your

My heart goes out to you friend...



ps. my verification word is

Lynilu said...

It is very hard to lose so many people as we age. I'm even older than Big Dave (isn't that amazing?), and I have had many thoughts about how many people have been lost over time. As we age, it seems we lose them at a much faster rate; like time itself, it just keeps speeding up.

As far as blogging, Betty, I really hope you don't go away. I understand how you feel, I went through a period of that myself recently, wondering about continuing or at least about slowing down. I'd miss you, for sure. :)

Loving Annie said...

I ran into the spam thing here too yesterday - could not leave a comment.

The post you wrote about your sister tugged my heart strings with admiration for her courage and sadness for the battle.

Between your neighbor and your sister's cancer and its impact on her and all of the family, you've had a lot of emotional blows this summer. My empathy. It's hard.

And I may not be blgging, but it doesn't mean I'm not still occasionally lurking :)

You'll always have my cyber-friendship, Betty. And if you so choose to further reach out - I'm only an e-mail away :)

Priyamvada_K said...

May he rest in peace. It is sad to lose a friend and neighbor, and one so kind as that. I lost a neighbor who was like an uncle to me. He was kind to my daughter too.

It is tough :(

Take care,

Monogram Queen said...

Oh Betty I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It never gets any easier.... at least you and The Child shared what time you could with him.

I miss blogging so much and maybe, just maybe will go back to it. There has been alot more peace in my house since I stopped though. Darn husband.... and if you are on facebook I have house pics on there.. somewhere!