Here are a couple of photos taken today of the first roses of spring in the public rose garden outside of my house. There was a cold snap this spring which damaged a lot of the wild roses, but this harbinger clearly prevailed.
I am being tested. The peaceful life my child and I have been enjoying was broken with a phone call at 10:30am. To my shock, it was Bruce, my child's father, with whom I have not spoken during the past 4 months. I had been advised by my lawyer to inform Bruce that he would have to go to court to try to obtain visitation rights. Nobody really expected that Bruce would follow through, and a new found peace prevailed, as if a huge burden had been lifted. I hadn't realized how both my child and I had been squelched, controlled and bullied by him! Well, he's back. He's officially fighting for child custody and said I should be receiving my subpoena very soon. The court date is June 13, when I was supposed to have been out of town for an important work-related conference. Bruce assured me that he will use it against me if I try to postpone the court date because of my work. After taunting me with this, he proceeded with his trademark tirade about how I had ruined the child's life, etc., etc.
Finally I hung up on him after having tried my best, as always, to remain civil and tolerant. I had to leave for an appointment with my counselor.
Well, as luck would have it, my car broke down on the way. I could tell that the problem was major (and it will cost $1,000 to fix the car- I was right!). By the time the tow truck arrived, I was shaking from the blows of the day. The easy-going tow truck driver smiled, assuming, I'm sure, that my disabled car was my main problem, and said slowly, very reassuringly, "Y'll be awright."
He did what he could to reduce my stress by not charging me for the extra distance he towed beyond my AAA allowance. But it was his convincing mantra, "Y'll be awright" that saved me yesterday. It still reverberates, as it will many times over the coming weeks.
17 comments:
Oh, Betty!
Honey, you have to stay strong! Gather up your evidence of his bullying behavior, write things down, be prepared...I think you mentioned that you had pictures of the damage he did that last day...use them. I know vengeance is a terrible thing, but you are not doing this for any other reason than to protect your child from that insecure, pathetic bully. You are not only going to go to court with a lying snake, but his king cobra lawyer, as well. Please keep the faith. Sit secure with God that He knows what's right and what's wrong! I hope it all works out for you. Hang in there.
Thank you, Lisa. This is hard for me. I still haven't received the subpoena, so I'm waiting to launch into action when I receive it. I will try to remain strong and keep the faith.
Hugs,
Betty
I didn't know that a court date could be set without one of the participants or her lawyer being advised ahead of time. You should be prepared to ask for a later date, so you can show good work ethics to the judge. You have to support your child and have to work --- so, attending the conference shows responsible behavior to the court. I can't believe that a man would try to take a child away from the woman who delivered him. I guess they just can't stand to lose --- child custody should never become a contest to be won by whoever has the the most testosterone. I'm sorry you ever met this bully.
Dear Kacey,
It doesn't make sense to me either. And Bruce wants to twist my work ethic into caring more about my career than my child! It's because of his failure to ever pay even one dime of child support that I do have to take my career seriously! Meanwhile, I still haven't heard anything from court, and my lawyer said not to call until I do receive something. Frankly, I'm not sure what Bruce would be seeking- custody or visitation? His outrageous behavior toward and in front of my son has made it impossible for me to allow him to see the child. (I would be knowingly endangering the child!) It's so unpleasant to have this hanging over my head.
Hugs,
Betty
Oh Betty I'm so sorry to hear this! I think you should record in a book everything that he says from that day onward and hand it to your lawyer. I would also record the events of that day when he came in and demanded yours sons gifts back. You can use your blog entry to take the details from.
I would talk to your lawyer about changing the court date and tell him what your ex said about it. Your ex is probably full of baloney, just using scare tactics. Argh! What a guy!
I'm keeping you and your son in my prayers Betty!
Thank you for the prayers, Desiree. Since I wrote this post, I have received the court summons, so now I know he's not bluffing. On Monday I'm seeing a highly regarded (and expensive) female lawyer. I had been planning to choose a male lawyer until a friend told me that was a mistake, especially because the father has a female attorney. Oh, what a mess.
Hugs,
Betty
Bless your heart, honey. I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck!
Thank you, Dana- I appreciate your prayers!
Hugs,
Betty
Hi Bettty:
Reading your blog brought back so many memories. It was 24 years ago, I went through hell with my ex-husband, he never paid child support and I had to work two jobs just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. The hardest part was watching and hearing my daughters tell everyone how great he was.
One day I made a decision that I could do it on my own and didn't need his help. Thinking that changed my life, I was offered another job with a salary twice of what I was making and then I met my current husband. Life does get better.
Can I help a little? I instead of saying "Y'll be awright" use the saying, "I Am Awright."
Remember you are fabulous just the way you are. Helen
Dear Helen,
You made a very important point: I AM awright, right now. I have changed my mantra, and I do understand the difference. I'm also going to latch onto "Life does get better."
Thank you!
Hugs,
Betty
Betty - its scary how similar our past couple of days have been. The best advise my lawyer gave me a long time ago was "steer clear, do not have any conversations that will entangle you with this person" - Bruce is a bully just like my ex and if allowed he will bully you and eventually your little boy. Stand strong....we are here for you.
BTW I had to take my car in and its cost about $1100. I just did about $600 and still have more to do. Hang in there...I find it helpful to just sit in a quiet place and count my many other blessings. You are not alone.
I love the idea of your public gardens - I would love that.
Dear Betty...Y'll are awright chica! ;)
Don't give him any power...don't feed him.
Thinking of you...
Dear Betty,
Lisa said it beautifully ! As did Kacey, Desiree and Dana !
What did your lady lawyer have to say ?
I have my fingers crosssed for you that things will indeed end up being allright --
Betty,
Hope you have a happy Mother's Day this weekend ! Thinking of you --
Dear Simply Me,
Today my car is in the shop getting its $1,000 makeover. I'm so sorry to hear that your life has been similar to mine!
We're awright, though.
Hugs,
Betty
Dear Teri,
Thank you for the reminder to not give him power. I can either allow him to wreck my life, or not.
Thanks, chica!
Hugs,
Betty
Dera Annie,
It's good to see you again! The lady lawyer was a disappointment- we did not connect. I ended up hiring a male lawyer who I know represents the father/savior I never had!
Hugs,
Betty
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