I have been busy lately- too busy to do anything except work, keep the child alive and try to sell my house. All that is really more than this whirling dervish can handle.
I am still too busy, but don't really want to give up completely on my blog. I miss the contact with the few loyal readers I had. I don't have any real friends these days, and now I'm even losing my virtual ones.
My house has been on the market since August. It is a shock to me that a house situated on what is arguably the world's largest rose garden is not selling. Yeah, yeah, I know....it's a buyer's market. Always desperate to figure out the hidden meaning of everything and anything, I am wondering if perhaps my move to the urban neighborhood wasn't meant to be after all. But whenever I think of giving up and staying put, I am consumed by disappointment because I still don't believe that it can't happen. I do admit that the urban house I'm eyeing is at the top of my price range, maybe even beyond it, but I feel like taking a risk rather than retreating back into the "same old same old."
My 3 goals (working, keeping child alive and selling house) have left time and energy for little else, and it's catching up with me. Was it Carl Jung who said that "an unexamined life is not worth living"? My life has been that way, unexamined, and I've found myself snappy and irritable. That's not how I want to be.
Part of my problem is that I feel completely alone. I think that makes people behave defensively, perhaps. Since my child came onto the scene, friendships have been fleeting. The one friend who did stick with me, for the most part, has found a buddy he likes better. She often stays at his house, and is soon moving in permanently.
I don't have any business complaining. If the truth be known, it almost seems as if I've lived several lifetimes already. Each phase was a life. In my other phases, I was not so alone. It is understandable that things are different now. How appealing is an overworked, overwhelmed, frazzled single mother who is always working or mothering when others are socializing?